Jul. 9th, 2013

suicide_bear: A teddy in the attic. Text: Trauma: life in the attic. (Attic)
So of COURSE everyone left me behind and forgot about me, again. Fuckers. But now I've moved to Dreamwidth and plan to torture everyone I can. MWAHAHAHAHA

-SB
suicide_bear: An evil teddy bear. (SB|default)
Well, now that I've written that lovely poem about my carnal desires, and maybe jacked off a little to Miss Fucking-Turner, and am waiting for people to comment so I can tell just whose house I am going to creep into the next time I get hungry, and yes that means whatever you think it means, let me tell you what I've been up to since you cock-suckers forgot me over on LJ.

Firstly, I went back to school. Yes. School. Me. A bear of higher intelligence going back to school. And I've learned a few things. Firstly, math professors taste like shit. Shit and numbers. And let me tell you, numbers aren't very filling at all. And even when you add in all the X and Y and fucking teeny numbers above the other ones that they insist you use, they still taste about as nasty as old shoe leather. And believe me, I KNOW what old shoe leather tastes like because I got so goddamn hungry up in that attic that I actually ATE a shoe. And whose fault is that?

Ah well. Also, the coach of the football team tastes like dirty gym socks and viagra, neither of which is tasty either. Still the best thing to eat is cheerleaders. So peppy, so tender...and such beautiful breasts. I always was a fan of white meat.

But anyhow, thanks to my last meal, I managed to upgrade my technology. I have the latest model of iPhone now, with a goddamn pink Hello Kitty case. Give me about five minutes and I'll figure out how to break that fucker right off the phone, and then we'll be all set. And maybe Sin can find me some stickers of claws or something... But why do iPhones have fucking TWO keyboards. I want my letters and my numbers on the same keyboard.

OH, but the interesting things I've found on Youtube since you fuckers left me back there. I met a new friend. His name is Salad Fingers and he posts things like I do. Only he does videos. I think I'd like to meet him and maybe he could fuck me too. Those fingers would be wonderful for that, I think. He's sooo beautiful, and yet so traumatized, just like me.

Oh, and something else I learned in school. E=MC Vagina! Yes. I'm serious. E = MC Vagina. That's right, ladies. That's the formula for vagina. Sadly, I've as yet been unable to find the formula for penis. If anyone knows it, leave me a comment.

And now I'm tired of writing. I've got a full belly, and my iPhone. I'm going to crash out and juuust wait for comments. Nighty-night.

OH!

Jul. 9th, 2013 07:38 pm
suicide_bear: An evil teddy bear. (Default)
I almost forgot. I wanted to share a song with you all. I find this amusing.

That's right Click the link. You KNOW you want to!

Blah Blah Blah

suicide_bear: An evil teddy bear. (Default)
The Bear